Shoving Off

A Hopi elder once said: "There is a river flowing now, very fast. It is so great and swift that there are those who will be afraid. They will try to hold on to the shore. They will feel they are being torn apart and suffer greatly. Know that the river has its destination. The elders say we must push off into the middle of the river, keep our eyes open and our heads above the water. See who is there with you and celebrate. At this time in history we are to take nothing personally, least of all ourselves, for the moment we do that, our spiritual growth comes to a halt. The time of the lone wolf is over. Gather yourselves; banish the word 'struggle' from your attitude and vocabulary. All that we do now must be done in a sacred way and in celebration. We are the ones we have been waiting for."

So here I am clinging to the shore, repeating the same behaviors as always. Faced with opportunity to pursue something I have always wanted and here I stand paralyzed with fear. Why is it I am afraid of my future and to put myself out there? Yes, I am afraid of failure and the unknown, I am afraid of risk, I am insecure and I want certainty and security - but there is none and I know better. These are the engrained behaviors and patterns that I struggle with! This is my test, so many opportunities have slipped by because I refused to take a chance, to jump into the unknown and allow myself to grow, learn and quite possibly have some success. Opportunities that I work hard for appear before me and I begin to have second thoughts, I become anxious and resistant and watch it pass me by then become depressed and angry at myself. I allow myself to get caught up in my head and in the "cannots and should nots" and I know these are just the insecurities and doubts surfacing . I allow these thoughts and fears to become bigger than I am, I cave in and regret it later. We cannot allow problems to become bigger or smaller than us, we must face them as equals in order to rise to the demands of the moment.

I know that I am on the right path and I am still clearing the way ahead of me, covered in the creeping weeds and brambles of fears and insecurities, these struggles are just part of our quest. These are issues that I have not met head on just yet, so here I am. I figured if I put these silly thoughts in black and white and read them later I would realize how irrational I am being, I know better than to buy into some of the thoughts that are in my head. I know there are no 100% guarantees in life and that nobody else can make my dreams / wishes come true but myself and I certainly cannot pursue them if I do not put myself out there.

Life is too short to not attempt to fulfill the dreams and wishes that will make you happy, to not pursue your life's calling. Why sit and be miserable and anxious when you could be out in the world helping others and yourself by sharing your gift? I will not stand on the shore any longer, I have been sinking into the sand and stood there for far too long. The time has come to jump in the waters, to take action and put this ship into motion... it's time to shove off!

Permanence, perseverance and persistence in spite of all obstacles, discouragement, and impossibilities: It is this, that in all things distinguishes the strong soul from the weak”
Thomas Carlyle

Gates, R., & Kenison, K. (2002). Meditations from the Mat: Anchor Books : New York